How to Birth a Baby and Raise a Child

So I've been tossing around an idea in my head the last few weeks. As Clay and I prepare for Itty Bitty I've been reading books on birthing and parenting. I have found these books to be somewhat comical in their absolutes. While they all have good ideas I try and read them with a grain of salt. However, the authors would have you believe that if you didn't do this or that EXACTLY like the book says then you are a horrible parent and clearly don't love your child. I find this funny and a little sad.

But that got me thinking, what ideas or plans to I have about Itty Bitty that are absolute. So a bit tongue in cheek, I've decided to share my ideas and thoughts on birthing a baby and raising a child. This way I can look back in a few months or even a few years and laugh at my absurd notions about what would work or the things I absolutely would NEVER do. In fact this may be stretched into several blogs as I find more things to share along the way.

As an example, I've already had one of my preconceived notions shattered through pregnancy. My theory was that being in great physical shape prior to conceiving would minimize if not eliminate my pregnancy discomforts and symptoms. I thought that a lot of women suffered from ailments like morning sickness or fatigue because they weren't in good shape to begin with so the stress of pregnancy on an out of shape body is what made them suffer during the first trimester. Acting on my plans I was in some of the best shape of my life when I got pregnant. And guess what... I FELT AWFUL!! My morning sickness proceeded through about the 22nd week and to this day I require ridiculous quantities of sleep because I am SOOOOO tired. So while I'm still of the opinion that being in good shape is important for your overall health and well being, it clearly does not indicate the extent to which you suffer through pregnancy symptoms.

Currently I'm reading books on natural childbirth. My plan is to have a completely unmediated, natural child birth at home. As I've mentioned before, some people think this plan shows that I am CRAZY! However, I believe that a woman's body is designed to have babies and that the human species clearly survived for thousands of years prior to the current medical advancements. And if all those women can do it, so can I!

However, the books are quite funny because they act as if any woman who had medical intervention during labor clearly just didn't try hard enough. I don't believe that. I think that women's bodies are made to have babies, but also there are some benefits to the medical advancements and that they are options that if you choose to part take that's a personal choice and isn't a reflection on your personal strength.

I've also had friends who prepared for fully natural child birth and due to medical circumstances they had medical intervention. Some of them even noted that they felt like failures because they were unable to have a natural child birth. I hope that if those circumstances happen to me that I can have some perspective that things happen and that modern medicine is a wonderful blessing to have in those circumstances.

Having said that here are my thoughts on child birth. I plan to birth at home because I think the ability to be in my own environment will allow the birthing process to be more peaceful. I don't think labor actually hurts. Don't get me wrong, I think it's hard work, but I don't think it's pain in the traditional sense. What I envision is that labor is like running a marathon. While your running your body gets tired and parts get weak. You will hit mental walls that you feel you just can't push through. But somehow you push through the wall and find an amazing runners high that carries you through the next stretch of the journey.

This is how I see labor. I see it as a long workout. I will be tired. There will be physical, mental, and emotional walls that I will hit and I will have to push through. But like running a marathon, those walls aren't pain. It's just a matter of endurance and fortitude. I believe I can prepare for that just like a long run and when the moment comes I can find the strength to push through. I don't fear child birth and I'm not worried about the pain because I don't think there will be any pain. But on this matter I will keep you posted...

I also get a kick out of these books because they are absolute about the flow of labor. For instance, one book has the "ideal" birthing position and argues that the woman should lay in this position in order to achieve optimal relaxation during labor. Their argument is that child birth is best if the woman is totally relaxed and not fighting what her body is trying to do. The author feels that by "pushing" or being tense during labor the mother only prolongs labor and that's when pain happens. Instead the goal is to relax. I TOTALLY buy into this philosophy. However, the book wants me to lay in this one position in order to relax during the WHOLE labor which could last for hours. Over my dead body am I going to lay in one position for hours on end. I don't think anything could be LESS relaxing. So while I buy into the theory I personally see myself walking around and stretching in order to achieve my optimal relaxation during labor.

Clay and I have also had talks about baby sleep arrangements. One controversial issue these days is co-sleeping or the family bed. "Experts" will tell you that this is extremely dangerous and that you should never ever ever let the baby sleep in your bed with you. On the other hand I have friends who run the whole gamut from having their baby and toddlers share the family bed with them, to friends who have the baby sleep in a cradle in their room with them, to people who put the baby in the nursery from the first night. All of these people will tell you that their arrangement is the "best" way to get the baby (and consequently the parents) to sleep through the night. Furthermore, I believe all of these people truly love their children and want what's best for them.

So here's my plan. I have NO intention of the baby sleeping in my bed EVER! It freaks me out and I believe that it's harder to transfer the child to their own bedroom when they are older if they've slept in your bed. But since I plan to breastfeed I think it's convenient (especially at first) to have the baby in our room. So I plan to have Itty Bitty is some kind of bassinet in the room for the first few weeks or months. But once Itty Bitty sleeps through the night he/she will be in the nursery!

However, I'm also a fan of the "cry it out" theory. I think there is some point when the baby is a few months old that the baby has to learn to self-sooth and will need to cry itself to sleep. I read an article that said to set a timer and give the baby a set amount of time to settle back down prior to rushing in to "save the day." This makes a lot of sense to me. I think that after a few nights of the baby crying it out Itty Bitty will be able to sleep through the night and Clay and I will get a lot more rest.

Onto breastfeeding! Another hot topic du jour! Since I'm reading books on a natural home birth it also makes sense that I plan to breast feed. I also have friends who have had all varieties of experience on this topic. From friends who never intended to breast feed to those who breast fed well over 1 year of their child's life.

My plan is to breast feed for the first 12 months. I think that breast feeding is the healthiest option. However, unlike the books I am reading I don't believe that every woman can do this easily. That may sound hypocritical to some since I mentioned that I feel that women are designed to have babies and I believe they are designed to breast feed. However, the books make it sound as if breast feeding is the easiest, most natural thing you could do. But I've had friends who have struggled and struggled only to be completely frustrated and finally start using formula. The books would make you think that the challenges with breast feeding only started with the advent of formula in the 60s and 70s. I would argue this point. After all prior to formula that's what a wet nurse was for. Women would were unable to breast feed hired a wet nurse who would nurse their baby. Difficulties breast feeding isn't a new thing, we just have technology allowing us to feed our babies with formula now instead of having to find another nursing mother and enlist her help! Having said that, I still have made up my mind to fight through the challenges and breast feed for the first year. Wish me luck!

I also plan to go back to work. Many of my friends have returned to work after having their children, but I have a few who have chosen to be stay at home moms. I think both are great options, however, I think going to work is the best option for me. I love my job and I can't imagine not having my career. That may sound selfish, but I also think that it's healthy to do things for yourself and everything doesn't have to be about the baby. Having said that, I realize that the first day probably isn't going to be easy. In fact the first several days and weeks may not be easy. But in the long run I think this is what's best for me and the family.

So what about feeding the baby. Somewhere around 6ish months Itty Bitty will start eating solid foods. I read an article several years ago that I found very intriguing. The author argued that the American epidemic of childhood obesity started with the first foods we choose to feed our babies when they start on solids. The author noted that the first food for most American babies is rice cereal which is a processed grain and is processed much like sugar. The justification for this is that it's easy to digest so it slowly gets the baby used to processing solid foods. Also there tends to be very few allergies to these types of foods. Current US feeding schedules also have you introduce one food at a time. Many of the plans tell you to start with veggies because if the baby eats fruit first you'll never get the baby to like veggies because he/she will be addicted to the sugars in fruits.

However, the author of this article noted that in many countries (without childhood obesity problems) the first foods babies eat are high in protein. For instance they noted that in Mediterranean countries babies first food is often hummus. The argument was that starting the baby on higher protein foods that are more difficult to process is better for the baby's digestive health and in the long term helps prevent childhood obesity. I don't know that I totally buy it, but I think that it's definitely worth considering that maybe rice cereal isn't necessarily the "right" first food.

Okay... I'm sure there is more. Feel free to share your thoughts/concerns/stories/theories/ect. Even better, share things you thought would work a certain way or you would or would not do and how it actually turned out. I'll keep you posted on my progress!